It’s easy to be a single guy. Sure, there’s a lot of crushing loneliness, but with a lightning fast internet connection that leads to a pipeline of pornography, Swiping Apps, and Backpage hookups, it’s easy to deal with that. You can work your job, and live the free life, footloose and whatever the hell passes for fancy-free in the age of the Holy Anxiety Med.
Sadly, if we want to be better, we need to motivate to live better. Being a Lone Wolf, making money and staying loose is important. We don’t want to knuckle down and do domestic chores. It’s not about maturity. It’s not about hygiene. There’s just no real drive. Which means we need motivation. Here’s the path of the enlightened man.
Control Your Environment
The reason to clean isn’t about a sparkling house for your Nana to visit. It’s about keeping your kill zones open. Do you think you’re going to be able to see a threat coming at you through smudged windows? That’s sloppy thinking, and it’s how men die.
Cleaning your home is about controlling your environment. It’s about knowing where your weapon stashes are located. It’s about being able to put your hand to the nearest available tool of combat – or seduction – depending on what the dusky evening entails. Can you find a corkscrew in a pinch when that sultry sommelier insists you try the Pinot, or you need a killing stroke, kitchen-ninja style?
If the answer is no, it’s time to clean.
Increase Your Lifespan
Increased clutter leads to increased dust. Increased dust leads to increased presence of dust mites. Dust mites are horrible little things that live in dead skin and filth. You’re inviting creepy crawlies into your house. This is a dust mite, and this is a nice, internet-friendly “maybe you’re eating something” picture of one. They’re a whole heap nastier in person.
Breathing in him and his billions and billions of family, along with the increased allergens caused by not cleaning cause inflammation of bodily tissues. Here’s loads more information on that.
Untold numbers of health risks are associated with simple clutter. If you have a hoarding problem, then the dangers become exponentially worse. A slip on a greasy floor might not be fatal, but what about damage to that long spine that leaves you paralyzed. Your house will be clean then. Scrubbed by the person who assists you with your other daily tasks while you wait for your body to heal.
Wax On, Wax Off
Only a Cobra Kai doesn’t understand that all things are training. That training your body is about training it for all things, not only combat. When you embrace all aspects of life, and can bend and flex to paint and build as well as swing a weapon, only then do you master The Art.
Get The Right Tools
Here’s the thing about cleaning, it’s just as gratifying as doing home repairs. The problem is often having the wrong gear. You don’t want to do a job with nothing but a Dollar-Store screwdriver and a crescent wrench. The same goes for cleaning. A paper towel and a bottle of off-brand ‘Glass Kleener’ aren’t enough either.
Get yourself some serious sponges, and some nice bar rags to wipe everything down. Rather than using paper towels, go with reusable items that you can wash. We have a few recommendations:
Don’t try to fit your man mitts into some dainty little set of rubber gloves. Those things run way too small. You’re as likely to rip them as wear them,. Instead, get yourself some industrial strength Biohazard level gloves to keep your delicate digits from knowing the hell of dishpan hands.
Heinz Cleaning Vinegar
There’s no need to spend a lot on cleaning supplies. A little vinegar mixed with water does wonders. Heinz put out their more acidic formula, which allows for better soaking and grease fighting. A completely ecological – yet effective – way to clean, this does everything from windows to drains. Kept with baking soda, this is a quick cleaning combo you have to have. Excellent for deodorizing away that man funk, as well.
OXO Good Grips Hideaway Compact Toilet Brush
This is the brush that launched a thousand clean bowls. The large grip gives you real power and control, while still keeping you a healthy distance away from the scum under the toilet seat. The sharp bristles dig into muck, but won’t tarnish the porcelain of the bowl, so you can use as much elbow grease as needed to get the job done. The combination of excellent grip for strong leverage, and excellent cleaning bristles make short work of the worst toilets in the land. If you need to save your pennies, go with Mr. Clean’s special wand.
The microfiber cloth that O-Cedar specializes in is truly the only proper choice for the home. Honestly, other brands can do it, but they choose not to. Though we wish the handle on the O-Cedar gear was a little bit sturdier – the heads provide better sweeping and mopping than anything short of industrial grade. You either get the big yellow buckets that janitors use, or you go the O-Cedar domestic route. Anything else half-asses the job.
Genuine Joe Dustpan
Dust pans have one job, and they always fail at it. With all the cute little rubber gaskets and low-profile designs, they all leave too much grit on the floor. Every single one. In 40 years of toil on this dusty ball of filth, only one dustpan have I enjoyed, and this is that pan. It’s stupid simple. It lays super flat and works. Yep, it looks like a slab of shoe leather, but it does what you need and that’s get the stuff to the garbage.
Casabella Way Clean Wide Angled Broom
Should the push broom style offered by O-Cedar not be to your liking, it’s important to have a sweeper that tickles your fancy as much as your floors. A long-lasting broom that doesn’t pull apart or clog up easily, Casabella also makes larger or longer jobs more comfortable by providing a smart grip that lives through Spring cleaning after Spring cleaning.
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
Sometimes you run up against something you can’t easily handle. When normal sponges have failed in their duty, going for the Magic Eraser is your nuclear option. You won’t need it often, but when you do, it’s important to be able to drop the bomb and kiss the sky goodnight.
Cornucopia Soap Dispenser
For your dish soap or other cleaning needs, these stylish Boston Round Bottles outfitted with stainless steel pump tops are mandatory. They spurt out the soap in big, thick globs, so you’re never going back for more, and they look like a craftsman’s piece sitting beside your sink.
Striped Bar Rags
Avoid buying an endless stream of wasteful paper towels. Having a load of these on hand means you have a way to dry your hands, mop up your shop, clean spills, and be able to really scrub without having the rag go all to pieces. The best way to go here is to buy in bulk. We suggest grabbing 15 lbs for $35, but get as many or as few as you need.
Get loaded to the gills with whatever sponge you like. We go for the wavy work that gets done by Lysol’s multi-purpose sponges (9 for $17), but you should follow your gut.
By using the right gear, you’ll actually get excited to clean. Knowing that after you hit your greasy stove with that oven cleaner, or snap your pressure washer onto the hose, you’ll be ready to lay waste to filth.
A man takes care of himself these days. We stopped trying to enslave women and learned to do things for himself. If you can’t knit and purl, throw on a button, and bust soap scum with a splash of vinegar and lemon, you’re still a boy.